Worrying

So, I'm a bit of a worrier. I come by it honestly, my dad's one, his mom is one, and I'm guessing, somewhere before that someone was one too, but I didn't really know any of his grandparents, so I'm not sure. My mom is overly protective, as was her mom, and probably a great grandparent too. I tend to be an extreme worried, I start worrying at least 24 hours before whatever worries me is happening and I tend to cry myself to sleep and have multiple nightmares, which result in less sleep than I really need, which results in me being very edgy and jumpy the next day. Not a good way to start a day I'm already worried about.

The reason I'm explaining this is, today Adam played basketball for the first time since March 8th. That's because on March 8th, when playing in the same gym, with the same guys, as part of the same 'league', he sprained his ankle bad enough to tear the ligaments and end up on disability for three months. He spent 3 months going to the Dr every other week, and physical therapy twice a week, and all this time he was off work and only making NY State Disability, which is only $150 after taxes a week. Which after co-pays meant he was bringing home just under $100 a week. We spent three months at home, with him being miserable and hurting and me having to basically run our life alone.

It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done mentally. I feel so selfish saying this, but only taking care of your husband and not having anyone to take care of you, and working for both of you and running the house and your social life and everything else alone for three months, while your husband is right there but just can't be supportive, is really hard. I'm sure it's nothing compared to what military wifes, or single mom's go through, but when your husband is there in body, it just feels different, or harder than I would have imagined it would be.

So, he played again today, so I worried last night. I cried myself to sleep, I had four nightmares and I got no sleep. But he made it, he played and he didn't get hurt, so I killed myself worrying for nothing, again. When will I learn?